When Things Do Not Go As Planned

Coaching Series: Transforming Situation When Things Do Not Go As Planned

There is great insight in the age-old joke, if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. When things do not go according to plan; sometimes we bounce back quickly, sometimes we bounce forward, and sometimes all we can do is practice radical acceptance. Because the coronavirus pandemic has touched every aspect of our lives, and the plans we had for our lives, we can use this time to get really good at coping and turning situations that are out of our control into a beautiful and meaningful part of our own unique journey.* 


Things are not going according to my very good plan

Transforming a situation that is out of your control starts by accepting. This can be extraordinarily difficult especially if accepting the situation includes loss & grief or changing strongly held expectations. Difficulty accepting can lead to feeling overwhelmed. So while on the path to acceptance (even marginally acceptance is beneficial) the objective is to prevent becoming so overwhelmed you can process your feelings and be clear-headed about what to do next. 

How do you start? Practice mindfulness or find a quiet center within yourself whenever you first realize plans have changed. If you are beginning to feel overwhelmed, you can gently and respectfully say, “stop” to yourself. That can bring you present enough to know it’s time to start practicing mindfulness. Of course, it doesn’t mean “don’t feel”, but quieting the emotional intensity and the reaction to the emotional intensity. Feeling calm and centered you will be able to go within and ask yourself the important questions next. 

 

Mindfulness practices: 

  • 15 deep breathes, breathing from your diaphragm. 

  • 15 minutes vigorous walk

  • Prayer

  • Acknowledge that you are experiencing discomfort, for example; shock or anger, without judgment. 

 

The goal is you feel calm and figure out how you feel about what’s going on, so you can plan accordingly, not perfection. 

I am having emotions to things not going according to my very good plan

Now that you have found a center, it’s time to ask yourself how you feel. 

Here are some questions to help guide you. 


  • How are you feeling about the situation?

  • Are you feeling angry, sad, fearful?

  • Are there other stresses or losses that are making it feel more intense? 

  • Can you feel hopeful or positive?

Whatever your feeling is ok and each situation has its own unique questions to ask. The objective is to check in with your feelings so you can respond to them in an appropriate manner. For example, let’s say your drink order from the coffee shop is incorrect. If you are having a bad day the mistake can feel intense, like the last straw. Taking deep breathes and then checking in with yourself may help you realize an incorrect order is not as bad as first felt.  

You’ve calmed down, now you’ve figured out how you feel about the situation. Next, figure out how to make the best out of it.

Time to make the most delicious lemonade

You’ve found your center, you’ve acknowledged how you feel, now, make the best out of your situation. The very best. The very very best. You have one life and infinitely creative mind to turn your situation into what you want. 

Making the best out of a situation can include the following:

  • Realizing imperfection is the perfection in your story. 

  • Asking for help, which is humbling and can be incredibly moving to receive

  • Looking for gratitude on what you have 

  • Seeking good and joy out of the situation.

  • Look for the humor in the situation.

  • Making the world a better place based on what you’ve experienced (think MADD)

  • Reminding yourself the times that you triumphed over adversity, just as you will now, building resilience and grit. 


Moments that are really bad can also be the bottom you need to change your life around. All of these activities are about taking your unique situation and turning it into meaning, beauty, and authenticity.


Oh, it’s so easy? 

What opportunities do we have with things not going to plan? We learn we can accept what is perceived as imperfections is an opportunity to love our path and ourselves (and others) deeper and wider than before. Is this always easy, no. Is it always natural, definitely not. Is it always worth it? In our humble opinion, yes. Acceptance and making the best of the situation enable us able to continue to take risks, transform our relationships with ourselves and others, and make our world richer because we become an active participant, fully living. 


*A quick note, this pandemic is causing real and lasting physiological trauma. If you are feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, and/ or helpless, please reach out to a mental healthcare practitioner or your medical doctor. 



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